Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
