You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize