He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize