Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
