When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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