We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
