If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
