just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
