Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
