You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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