clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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