New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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