I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
