I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
