oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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