The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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