I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
