Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
