Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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