I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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