if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
