I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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