need another drink. this is the easiest way
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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