This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
