she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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