I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
