He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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