I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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