Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
