Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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