I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
