I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
