My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
