ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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