Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
as a side note pls kill me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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