It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
