Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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