Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
