I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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