On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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