Duck Duck Cougar?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize