and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no you cant smoke seaweed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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