I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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