i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
