Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
