I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
