I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
