need another drink. this is the easiest way
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
