the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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