So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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