i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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