there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
