This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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