Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
