If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
