i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
