No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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