i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
