My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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