Its about making memories worth repressing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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