So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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