Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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